Sunday, May 18, 2008

Extra details

I thought I'd add a few details that I had either forgotten to mention, or didn't realize.

I always thought it was weird that on tv/movie births (not that those are reliable in the reality department), the mother was always really sweaty. I don't recall that being a problem with the other two. This time, though, it was like my body was bathed in sweat. So that during a contraction, I wanted to just be in my skirt and sports bra, and then as soon as the contraction would pass, they'd put my hoodie back on my shoulders to keep me warm. I guess it makes sense to sweat, since not only were my insides working harder than ever, but so were my outsides.

Joel told me that as I was announcing my need to poop (and no, Becca, I really didn't) and they let me lay down and start pushing, it was because the anesthesiologist was finishing the epidural WHILE I was pushing. And they just gave me the shot, which was why it was nice and numb while I was stitched up, but wanted the line in place because the doctor was really worried about Gemma's heartrate. Even my doula (and doulas are usually really progressive about heart decels, saying they always happen, but will come back up) said she was really worried. I mean, when you have a 5-minute long contraction, barely a break, and then another one, that can really do some damage to the baby. My doctor was talking about a c-section and how if we didn't get this baby out quickly, we'd have to go straight to the operating room. Hence the need for the vacuum.

Also, because she's so tiny, Gemma had some difficulty maintaining her body temperature for a while. Friday morning they ended up taking her to the nursery to be under the heat lamp for a couple hours. They even wrapped her in this cool bunting thing that heats up. After a couple hours (in which I got an AWESOME nap, only being woken at one point for a blood draw - I only remember looking up and thinking, "Dad? What are you doing here?" Turns out, my dad is not a phlebotomist, it was just some tall guy with glasses), they brought her back and she has done much better since. We just have to keep a hat on her for the next couple weeks. She's just so wee!

I'm recovering relatively well - just really really tired. My quads are sore from all the squatting (which resulted in a lot of cramping in the end) while in labor. My arms are sore, too, from gripping and pulling up on the squat bar. I even have nice little blistery calluses on my hands from pulling up. But my afterpains are manageable and my milk is in, so that's nice.

We came home from the hospital yesterday and Gemma has been largely unimpressed. She likes to eat a lot at night, or at least just be cuddled, and I'm ok with it. She's so small and cuddly and I know she won't stay wee forever, so I'm taking advantage of it while I can.

I've said that I'm happy with how things went, especially now that we're past the labor. And I've been focusing on how I feel so much better now and how much I love her. So it came as quite a surprise when I walked into the office to see Joel working on the labor/birth slide show (to debut in a day or so) and saw a picture of myself. It was one of the quiet moments between contractions, and I look like I'm at peace. It's a nice picture, but seeing it just brought on a flood of tears. "That's really hard for me to look at," I said, between sobs. Joel said, "It's a nice picture." And it is, but looking at the Sarah in that picture is something akin to watching World War II movies and seeing people shipped off to concentration camps, looking nervous and trying to look happy. They don't really know what's in store, but the audience does. That's how I feel, looking at those pictures - I *know* how much worse it gets and how, in that picture, I had no idea. And it makes me sad for that Sarah, knowing what is in store. I know it's also partially hormones and partially a little post-traumatic stress, but it's still really difficult. So Joel is doing the video and maybe someday I'll watch it. But for now I'm just going to look at Gemma, take comfort in the lessons I've learned from her birth, and know that I'm not as big a wuss as I thought I was, afterall.

Ainsleigh and Donovan continue to love Gemma. This morning, while I was brushing my teeth and Gemma was sleeping on my bed, Donovan came in and just laid on his stomach next to her, his face cupped in his hands (hands that I considered small up until a couple days ago), and whispered to her. I only picked up on "You so cute. I wuff you."

I know Donovan has been getting bigger, but having a newborn makes him seem HUGE. I remember thinking the same thing about Ainsleigh after Donovan was born. Suddenly she seemed like this big kid. And now I have two big kids and one tiny one. And I'm pretty happy about that.

5 comments:

Joanne said...

Oh, Dono-man. Your future kids are so lucky. :)

You're not a wuss, Sarah. You're brave for sharing all of this.

Katie Ross said...

Little babies are so cute! I love our tiny little ones. Gemma is absolutely adorable!

Congratulations- you did great!

SunD said...

Congratulations, Sarah. Good work. I can't say that reading your blog has made my anxiety nightmares about having my baby while Dan is still out of the country any better. I've even had dreams that I've been demoted to 2nd wife and he doesn't care anymore! I hope that you're able to get some rest and enjoy your time at home with your newly defined family.

Cindy Reed said...

We're so happy for you and Joel, Sarah! Little Gemma is just perfect! :o) You've got the cutest dang kids! And yay -- all of the labor "stuff" is over for good! Wish I could say the same...

Nancy said...

We need updated pictures. She's more than three-days-old already!