Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Hey Gemma

You're new around here, so perhaps you are not yet acquainted with my three great fears/peeves/gross-outs. First, Beaker. Yes, the muppet. His little slit of a mouth that looks like a gaping wound (not unlike the one resulting from the knife/frozenturkeyburger/urgentcare incident a little while back), coupled with his wild eyes and his high-pitched meeping send shivers down my spine.

Second, small birds. And, as a sort of subset, moths. Both fluttery masses gross me out. Moths because they have that powdery substance that poofs off when you squish them and for the mustardy paste their wee bulbous bodies extrude. Even worse are those stupid almost soulless moths that practically disappear when you crush them. You know - you go to check the tissue and there's only the powdering residue? Yeah. Anyway, small birds gross me out because they remind me of moths. Oh, and because in college we were driving back from the Narrows (in Bryce Canyon? I don't remember) and our car HIT A BIRD. Come on you stupid bird, we were not driving that fast. And yet, suddenly the windshield had a mess of feathers and yellow stuff and maybe a beak plastered across it and I kind of threw up inside my mouth.

Lastly, feet. They're fine where they are at the end of people's legs - but that's where they stay. I don't like other people's feet touching me and for the love of all things holy, never shall my feet make contact with another foot (especially bare). This doesn't gross me out or scare me - it just annoys me. And yet, your feet are adorable. I love stroking them and nuzzling them and tickling them. But then they're perfect and unblemished so far. But here's the thing - I laugh when you're nursing and your hand creeps up and one of your fingers slides in so you're sucking double duty. It's usually when you're about finished eating and you look at me with a glint in your eye and we both know you're making a good joke. I draw the line, however, when you pull up one of your feet and try to sneak your toes in at the same time. That, my wee poppet, is just plain weird and totally out of the question.

I'm glad we've had this talk.

4 comments:

Alice said...

I HATE MOTHS TOO! I just had to clean out my closet and vacuum and wash all my wool clothes to get rid of those pests.

Something I really can't stand, even my own are loose hairs off the head. That's another reason why I didn't have dark hair for too long. Too many dark gross hairs everywhere.

Tennille said...

I despise feet as well (baby feet excepted). People always ask me if I like Adam to give me foot massages--heavens, no! The very thought makes me cringe.

Lisa said...

In Colorado we have a moth plague (at least that's what I like to call it) every few years--have you experienced one of these yet? It's terrible. Sorry you moved here.

:)

Kimberly said...

Feet...yuck! Our Dr's took us to get foot massages back in July. I totally appreciated the gesture but I pretty much had an anxiety attack from the second I found out what we were doing until I walked out the door of the spa. Never again.