Wednesday, February 24, 2010

the luddites over at the Scott company are destroying America

Nobody sends a telegram any more, right? And what about black and white television? Or even remote controls - remember when we had to GET UP and rotate the dial, tick by tick, to the next of our seven channels? Do we use a willow stick to clean our teeth? All of this would be ridiculous, and why? Because we have advanced BEYOND that. And so why, in the name of all that is good and true in the world, are they STILL making one-ply toilet paper? I mean HONESTLY. Because if, say, you're at the store for the second time that week because the first time around even though you were going there for toilet paper but you got distracted by the milk and green beans you were also picking up, you forgot the toilet paper and were then kicking yourself because that effectively rendered one bathroom useless by the females (and the males, a few times), and you are trying to do a LOT of math to figure out the best deal, and when making those calculations, you totally overlook the need to factor in the PLY, and wind up with what you think is a pretty good deal until you get home and open the enormous package only to begin to unroll one to put it on the vacant rod only to discover, in horror, that you can practically see THROUGH the ply... (I think I need to start a new sentence, but my ire is such that I just can't stop) In disgust I wrinkled my nose and thought that this - this right here - this bit that looks like it's going to disintegrate if I cough into it - this symbolizes a new low.

And then I got really mad at the Scott tissue company. I mean, the NERVE! One-ply. GAH. This is so stupid. I'm totally not going to prevent Gemma from unrolling these, as is my general approach. But that was back when I had extravagant pillowy golden fleece spun from the rod.

"Now I know we're poor," Joel said as he emerged from the bathroom. Together we mourned and vowed that someday, SOME day, we were going to be extravagant again. But that will be quite a while in the future, what with the 48 rolls of 1000 squares.

You couldn't even print a stupid telegram on this stuff.

(3 sparkly stars for those who know what Luddites are without going to Wikipedia)


Tennille said...

My mother-in-law (who can afford to pay more) buys one-ply because it's better for their septic system. They've had issues in the past and their plumber recommended it. So... I guess the execs over at Scott aren't complete and total idiots, although I hate one-ply as well.

Nataluscious said...

We use the costco brand - is that more than one ply? - because of our sad little plumbing issues as well. It helps.

To add to the complaining about companies that haven't yet advanced, I'd like to add Kaiser Permanente customer service to the list. If you want to make any changes to your account (you know, crazy unheard of stuff like setting up automatic payments from your checking account or updating the names on the policy) you have to WRITE A LETTER. AND MAIL IT IN. No email, no phone call, no fax. I LOATHE them.

I don't know what luddites are and I didn't google it, so no stars for me :(.

Annie said...

Oh my gosh Sarah! While reading this blog entry, I was just cracking up, and Jeff wondered what was so funny. So I shared it with him too.
After I just had Mary, Jeff went to the grocery store a few times for me and happened to pick up the same brand of toilet tissue. I refused to use the crappy stuff (I mean, come on! I had just delivered a baby). Jeff didn't even argue with me about it and has been the only one to use it. He has almost used it up by now (4 months later). So funny.