Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Antonym for genius, mastermind, sage

fool n.
1. One who is deficient in judgment, sense, or understanding.
2. One who acts unwisely on a given occasion

Since all catastrophes happen when I am on the phone, it wasn't all that surprising to hear the mournful cries waft down from upstairs. Except that they sounded genuinely pained and from Donovan and those two don't usually intersect except in the form of Donovan inflicting the pain. Ainsleigh came trotting into the family room.

"Mom. Donovan needs help."
"I'm on the phone, is it an emergency?"
"He got his head stuck in the toilet seat."
cue a billion question marks dancing around my head
"His head is stuck in the toilet seat?"(replying to friend)"I gotta go."

cue Donovan trudging dejectedly toward me
cue uncontrollable laughter at the absurdity of the scene before me

"Donovan. I'm not even sure where to start. What happened?"
"I'm stuck."
"Yeah, I see that. How did this happen? Why did you do this? What were you thinking?"
Shrugging, as if I'm obviously missing something, "I fought I would wear it like a hat." (he begins to grin at his really awesome idea and then the reality washes over him and his eyebrows knit back together in sorrow)
"Ok, so it's a potty training toilet seat, not a hat. Strike one. Why is your arm in there, too?"
"Because I fought I would stick my arms froo it and wiggle it down over my body and step out of it," he replied, complete with shimmying his torso and behind to act it out (as best he could in the condition he was in).
"You didn't happen to notice that your head is smaller than your body and you couldn't get it back up over your head? Strike two. What possessed you to even try this?"
"I fought I would run out of the bathroom wif a toilet hat to make people laugh. But now it hurts."
"Funny, sort of. I think you learned your lesson, except..."

Something nagged at the back of my mind. I have been trying for the better part of the afternoon to locate proof, either in a blog entry or a photograph, that Donovan has done this before. Except that last time he was 2 and in the midst of potty training and now he is 5 and in the midst of driving me crazy. (I have yet to find it, but I know this has happened before. *sigh*)

***insert update! Once again my mom rescues the day - behold, on April 10, 2007:

Donovan's comment from a minute ago:
"Was that when I was 2? I was kind of dumb."
WAS, my son? Hmm. ***end of update

"...yeah, I don't think you've learned your lesson. Strike three. I'll be right back."
Donovan began to wail, "What are you going to dooooooo? Will you cut off my head?!"
Decapitating my son would be the natural next step. *EYEROLL* I returned with the camera. He was not amused and wanted to know why I was taking a picture when he was sad.

"Because I want to remember what you looked like when you still had a head."



laura said...


I hope this is the first picture you show to all of his future girlfriends.

Sarah Burgoyne said...

Oh man, I was kind of in a bad mood but seeing this picture of Donovan really helped snap me out of it. At least I'm not stuck in a toilet seat :)

wanda said...

Cue high pitched giggles from his grandma....almost to the point of crying.

Oh, Donovan, you are something else. And yes, he's done this before and I have the pictures to prove it! They are dated 4/10/07.

You're welcome!

Shira said...

Ahhh hahahahahaha!!!!! Just awesome. The LOOK on hid face is amazing. HA!!!!!

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh, I haven't laughed that hard out loud at a blog post in... possibly forever. I do have tears. This is so so SO funny.

Simon Archer said...

How did you get him out? Did you cut the seat off, or did you use butter and force?

Nataluscious said...

The best part about this whole thing ... better than the hilarious story, better than the predicament, better in fact than the actual TOILET SEAT around his head?? It's the look on his face. That mournful little pout. That's the glimmering hope of intelligence right there. At least he has the good sense to be sad about it. If it was K1 he would have been laughing. And that, my dear, is the definition of fool. :)

Thanks for the laugh - to you and to dear, dear Dono. What a rockstar.

Annie said...

I love Donovan! Such a personality! This made me laugh so hard.