Tuesday, January 18, 2011

comfortable and safe

This picture must have been taken in the morning since all the kids were in their pajamas. I had walked by my dad's office to see Gemma had finagled her way onto Grandpa's lap. I imagine she said something like, "Have hold you?" or "Have hug?" or "Have sit-a lap?" And there, resting against his chest, she may have had a number of things to say, or just sat in silence, caressing Ducky's foot. Ainsleigh and Donovan walked in not too long after and it was one of those moments I wanted to photographically capture. I even like the blurriness.

I recently had a dream of my own (now deceased) Grandma. It was a simple dream, one where I sunk a kiss into her velvety soft cheek and inhaled her scent. I don't know if the scent came from a perfume or powder or what, but it was hers. Both of my grandmas had their own. As I pulled back from kissing her, I was overwhelmed with sadness because I knew it was a dream. It seems like about once a year I mourn their absence all over again. I miss each of my grandparents terribly.

I think it was over our anniversary dinner last year that I was telling Joel some dumb/funny thing Donovan had done and suddenly found myself weeping, thinking of how my one Grandma would have bitten her tongue while grinning, delighting in his mischief. I've been reorganizing some files and came across the letters my grandparents wrote to me my first year of college. Joel gives me a hard time for de-cluttering at a maddening rate, but I have managed to save a few things I thought I would later treasure. I was right.

I suppose it is a testament to the relationships they worked to establish, to the love and security I felt because of them, to the moments where I had their full attention and could ask them anything in the world and know they would give me an honest answer. Whether I was 6 and running around in a nightgown, or 23 and contemplating buying a house, they were worth asking.

I'm glad my kids have that, too.


NancyO said...

Very nice - each generation can really affect the next.