Thursday, April 28, 2011

three times and no nuts

I looked at Donovan, standing there in his underwear, just about ready to take his shower and gave myself a mental pat on the back for having reviewed so well the basic (delicate) pointers of personal hygiene. I had just told him to make sure he washed his stinkiest parts (and we all know what THOSE are) three times, figuring that would be the best way to attain success. I nodded, and said one last time, "Three times." And he looked at me, his face full of understanding, and very deliberately raised his right hand to his left armpit and pumped his left arm as if to underscore each word, "THREE TIMES. Got it." Then he cocked his head to one side and sort of squinted his eyes as if the thought had just occurred to him, "Wait, do I wash my nuts first or last?"

Speechless. That's what I was. What the? I wanted to reply, "The only nuts I ever talk about are the cashews in the pantry and they aren't ever washed." Or gasp, "Land sakes, child, go wash your mouth out!" Instead, I just kind of laughed and said, "Um...you can wash yourself first AND last, but don't call them nuts."

"Three times. No nuts. Got it." All with the armpit pumping. Someday, when I write a book on parenting (or kids, or me, or whatever), the chapter where I introduce Donovan is going to be titled, "Three times and no nuts."

7 comments:

Christina said...

hahaha. I love parenting boys. :) What an adventure...

Lisa said...

Oh man, I love this so much.

laura said...

Hahaha. I read this to my roommate sometime after midnight and we got a maaaaaajor case of the giggles.

Sarah Burgoyne said...

Hahaha, I'm still laughing. I'm going to make Will read this one :)

brooke said...

This is so funny. Little boys and their "private parts"...so so funny.

I hope everything worked out with your contacts. As you read on my blog I just got contacts and still can't see. Maybe hard contacts are the answer for me...yikes.

Your post about your sister-in-law was such a nice tribute. She sounded amazing. I'm so sorry she is no longer here.

Finally, thank you for sticking up for me on my blog. Anonymous commenters drive me crazy.

brooke said...

Sorry..I just realized that I got you mixed up with someone else who commented on my blog!

Emily said...

My sisters and I had to discuss this post over the weekend at our family get together! SO HILARIOUS!