Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Warrior Dash 2011

Our friend Will, who took on the mud pit and came out a victor. Minus a wedding band.

Things you should know about Warrior Dash:

1. There's no such thing as too much glitter.
2. Every obstacle falls somewhere on the hilarious----terrifying scale.
3. Compression clothing is essential to protect bits worth protecting.
4. Do NOT wear your wedding ring or expensive sunglasses.
5. Someone yelling the speech from Braveheart right before the starting flamethrowers is ALWAYS funny.


{cue flame throwers and opening bullhorn}

And the stampede begins. Somehow, I don't think Mel Gibson had a purple tutu in mind.

This year was more fun, I thought, since I didn't also have the anxiety of the unknown (and, after LAST WEEK, I've slept like an old lady). I knew what to expect: A party. My friend Gina was a bit of a stress case the night before since this would be her first race ever and she doesn't run. Don't worry. We're going to ROCK THIS, I told her.

When she arrived with Jenni, decked out in tutus and the matching tank tops we had painstakingly decorated with our team name "Just Desserts" (knowing FULL WELL that the term is "just deserts" all you grammar psychos)(psst - I'm a grammar psycho. But I'm also a pun fanatic.) on the back and our code names on the front, Gina somehow didn't see anyone else in costume and began to silently curse my name, thinking I had played them for fools. Thankfully, it doesn't take long to spot the freaks. And by freaks, I mean participants.

We met up to get our bibs, spray ourselves with body glitter and took a couple pre-race photos. I must preface all of these pictures with a big apology. It appears my face fell victim to the old threat, "If you do that long enough, you'll stay that way." Sigh.

Cinnabun, Mud Pie, and Red Velvet. Who wants some?

Props to Gina for doing Jenni's hair in a bunch of buns to match her name. Oh look, I have a regular face:
I like Joel's tech shirt + gladiator skirt. Good look, especially with the black sneakers.

The first obstacle was "Rubber Ricochet" which comprised of a ton of tires hanging from above so that as you push through them, they swing back and nail the people in back of you. And, from the people in front of you: YOU. This was definitely the obstacle to the very left of the hilarious-----terrifying scale. It was a good way to start it off.
Wheee! I'm like a ballerina! And Joel learned last year that the less you wear, the better.

I hardly count the next one as an obstacle. It was some sort of wall at an angle with ropes to help you pull yourself up, but everyone was just running up it, so I followed suit. Then over and under some walls where my hurdling skills kicked in after the 4th one and carried me through the next 8. Then...the mud.

Hey dying army lady - beep beep - princess coming through!!

Here I thought I would benefit from last year and remember how Sylvia had hung to the left where it was a bit shallower and not get so muddy. I hung to the left. I stepped in. And immediately my legs up to my knees were swallowed up in the thick goopy mud our Colorado clay creates when mixed with water. Ah frick. I tried to move forward without getting too messy, but the mood of the crowd can be likened to the spectators at the Coliseum of old: the wanted blood. Well, mud. Anyone who tried to pansy through it got booed. Anyone who flipped, dove, or belly-flopped got thundering cheers/applause. I opted for somewhere in the middle. As I emerged from the pit, however, I realized my tutu now weighed about 30 pounds. No thank you. Rather than try to work with it, I just dumped it and took off.

The next obstacles were fun: a bungee maze/web; a long blackout tent; 12-foot cargo nets you had to climb up and over; a long horizontal cargo net you had to climb across. As I started that one, I saw someone ahead of me go feet first, so I decided to mimic. I guess that person figured out pretty quickly that it was a STUPID way to go, so they switched. I was having issues, and felt it only fair to warn others, "Hey everyone! See what I'm doing? DON'T DO IT THIS WAY!"
Do we intimidate you with our ferocity?

All along, we were running a series of hills at a higher altitude than even I am used to, so everyone was pretty winded. Winded, but happy. The next few obstacles got a little trickier. There was one climb up over a 20-foot wall. OVER CONCRETE. Yeah, the top there was a little tricky and I had the distinct thought, "My kids are never doing this." Holy crud, if my foot slipped more than it did, I could easily not be sitting here typing right now.

One wall was another 20 feet or so, but at an angle with only a rope to pull yourself up with. I don't usually have much faith in my upper body, but lo and behold I scampered up that think like I couldn't believe. I shudder to think what a mud-laden tutu would have done to me.

Friendly! Me, Joel, Eric, Shawn and Natalie, looking mighty fine after the race. Shawn later broke his medal from kissing it so much.

There were a couple more vertical challenges - much more than last year - and I have to say that while they definitely hung on the terrifying side of the scale, they were my favorites. Then a slight downhill run, jumping over the requisite walls of fire, and the finish line.

Our kids are so proud.

We look forward to doing it again next year. Copper Mountain is a beautiful place. We went with wonderful friends. And Joel and I got a weird/fun date out of the afternoon (props to the fabulous babysitter we had stay with the kids and do all manner of awesome with them - they had a great time, and so did we!). If you're in the neighborhood, you should totally do it with us. I'll bring the glitter.
I don't want to talk about where those mud clods came from.
Just consider that they had showers at the venue, and I had already rinsed off for quite some time.


Becca said...

Why do you look so PRETTY during and after a warrior dash??


Christina said...

Aaah I am so jealous! Count me in next year for sure. And yes, why do you look so amazing after--you wear mud well. :)

laura said...

I'm with Becca. And were you wearing EARRINGS?

Alice said...

I love tutu's. I used to have one that my friend made for me...but it got lost in one of our moves. I wouldl wear it randomly to the grocery store. I love that you wore one for the warrior dash!

GWACK said...

Even though I totally hate being dirty, that looks so fun!