Monday, December 3, 2012

on lines and bags and mortality

Here we are. We have so few pictures of Joel since he is usually behind the camera, that it's nice to not only have him IN a picture, but to have him in one with just me. I had told Stacie (our fabulous photographer) to airbrush every line out and get rid of any bags under eyes. (she didn't. I forgive her) I've been a little startled lately by pictures of myself where I look... well let's just say they aren't my high school senior portraits. I've considered some morbid thoughts lately, like asking myself if I'm nearly "halfway." You know what I'm talking about. It has caused me to even do such things as ask myself, "Should I really take a nap right now? Because maybe I'm running out of time." Do I sound crazy? Probably.

paper, rock, scissors, to determine who has to oversee the kids' showers.

When faced with my own mortality, I begin to consider the value of everything. Well, not everything. Let me be honest and say I will still take the occasional nap and watch the occasional trashy tv show. But I suppose it's also a good thing because it makes me say, "Yes, Gemma, I will come lay on your bed and look at constellations with you before you go to sleep, (unsaid: even though I have a ton of laundry to fold and dishes to wash and I've been up since 5 am and I'm exhausted)." By the way, Skyview is a GREAT app, if you don't already have it. Hearing your 4 year old say "Cassiopeia" and point out planets and constellations is a real treat. For some reason, though, she cannot remember "Neptune" to save her life.

Stacie said, "Look like you love each other. Be romantic." She got these faces:
I don't think that's what she was going for.

Back to mortality. Or exhaustion. Or...whatever. The point is, those lines and bags? It's from skipping the nap and taking time to lay next to my children and look at the solar system. Long ago, I told Joel that I liked the scar that runs down his abdomen, marking where he had two surgeries to save his life after his appendix burst and then wasn't diagnosed correctly for several days (I KNOW). I like it because it reminds me that he almost wasn't mine (this happened 7 weeks before we got married), and that I'm grateful every time I see it. I suppose those lines and bags are indicators that I'm doing something right (other than the tv shows, probably).

Regardless, the man with the abdomen scar makes me feel like he loves those lines and bags. That's all that really matters. I love this man. And that's all I need to say on that subject.


Christina said...

I love this post. You put into words what I think every morning I wake up and wonder what puffy creature is looking back. :) Too little sleep--but so worth it. And I love the photos. You are as gorgeous as ever!