Saturday, December 20, 2014

What the...

I've not been so good with the writing this year. I start to feel sad, thinking about how so much has dissolved into that great cloud of forgotten memories, but then I have to shrug it off. I've had to shrug off a lot of things this year in the name of self-preservation. I don't really know how to summarize this year without feeling a bit wounded. We've had some really, really outstanding things happen, which I think I can still recapture. But I also feel like the this year can best be summarized by a small anecdote starring Gemma.

I had been out with the kids, the girls to ballet and Donovan and I to our weekly Costco shopping/sampling trip. It was all rather unremarkable until I pulled up at home. As I eased up the driveway into our garage, we noticed a stray piece of paper on our front lawn. Gemma opened up the sliding door, hopped down, and began running toward this paper, shouting, "What the HELL?!"

We all stopped dead in our tracks, Ainsleigh and Donovan in horror, me in bewildered amusement. I sauntered over to where she now held what was discovered to be a blank piece of paper. She looked up at me and shrugged, saying, "It's nothing. I'll put it in the recycling."

"Sure, yeah, you do that," I said. "One thing real quick, though. Um, why did you say...um...why did you say what the hell?"

She looked at me and said, "I don't know. I just wondered what was on our lawn."

"Ok yeah," I said, "But from now on let's stick with oh my gosh and what in the world and stuff like that. Let's leave hell out of it. It's not really a very pretty word for a face as pretty as yours." She nodded, accepting my request, and ran off to help carry in enormous boxes of food.

This year has been full of "What the-" on my part. I have accomplished things this year that make me really proud of myself, and I've felt sadness in a new way. So while this has been a great year, I'm also really looking forward to turning a new leaf. I am smart enough to know that merely turning from 2014 to 2015 won't be like waving a wand. But I have a lot of hope.

I've done some personal writing that I don't know I'll ever publish. The rest of my time was spent trying to be absolutely present in my children's lives. So that's a good compromise, I think. But my goal from here on out (because why wait until the New Year) is to be better at journaling because my kids deserve that. If anyone besides Joel still reads here, then get ready. Stuff's about to happen.

There's still a couple weeks of awesome celebrating ahead of us, and I'm looking forward to that. Christmas is going to be epic. Plenty of time for Gemma to bust out some new expletives.

1 comments:

NancyO said...

Well, at least Joel and me. I'm glad she didn't say WTF 😉! The long and winding road of life is not easy but it can be fascinating. Let's see what 2015 has in store.